


Choni's Chilling Christmas

by azalben



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018), Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-08-24 05:12:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16633586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azalben/pseuds/azalben
Summary: It's Christmas Eve, and Cheryl Blossom wants her holiday party to be perfect. But money is tight, and when old friends of Toni Topaz's show up from Greendale, everything starts to go terribly wrong... Riverdale meets Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is this crossover special script.





	Choni's Chilling Christmas

**EXT. THORNHILL - NIGHT**

 

We hear CHERYL BLOSSOM’s voiceover over a variety of scenes, as we check in with a few of the residents of Riverdale. Everything is dusted with snow, and lights glint everywhere.

 

**CHERYL BLOSSOM (V.O.)**

‘Twas the night before Christmas,

And all through Thornhill...

 

**CUT TO: INT. THORNHILL**

 

SWEET PEA and FANGS are standing on ladders, hanging up christmas lights in the foyer.

 

**CHERYL (V.O., CONT’D)**

There was nary a minute

to Netflix and chill.

  


**CUT TO: THE BUNKER**

 

JUGHEAD and BETTY are lying in each other’s arms in their bunker bed. JUGHEAD pulls out a small present and hands it to her, she looks surprised.

 

**CHERYL (V.O.)**

Betty and Jughead lay snug in their bed,

Visions of Gargoyle Kings pushed out of their heads.

  


**CUT TO: POP’S DINER**

 

POP TATE is shutting off the lights in the diner, it’s empty.

 

**CHERYL (V.O.)**

Pop closed up early…

  


**CUT TO: NANA’S ROOM**

 

NANA ROSE is sitting in her chair, watching “It’s A Wonderful Life” on a small, black and white TV. She’s holding a bell and ringing it angrily.

 

**CHERYL (V.O.)**

Nana Rose rang her bell…

  


**CUT TO: EXT. THORNHILL**

 

As CHERYL says the next line, we see three mysterious figures approach the house, all dressed in black.

 

**CHERYL (V.O.)**

While me and dear Toni

prepared to raise a little holiday hell…

 

**TONI TOPAZ (V.O.)**

Top or bottom?

  


**SMASH CUT TO CU ON CHERYL’S FACE**

 

**CHERYL**

What?

 

Camera pulls out to reveal CHERYL is sitting on a couch in the THORNHILL living room. She’s wearing a skimpy Santa outfit. TONI TOPAZ is standing next to the couch, holding up a sprig of mistletoe. She’s dressed as an elf.

 

**TONI**

The mistletoe. Do you want it on top of the fireplace, or at the bottom of the stairs?

 

**CHERYL**

Fireplace, of course. If those randy teens want to make out, they can do it in creepy bunkers or child prison like they usually do.

 

TONI smirks at CHERYL, and goes to place the mistletoe on top of the fireplace while CHERYL continues to monologue.

 

**CHERYL (CONT’D)**

Tonight is all about us, my precious gem. It’s our holiday party, and a chance to cleanse Thornhill of all the bad juju that’s infected it over the past year.

 

TONI turns around, framed by the fire.

 

**TONI**

You know, technically I’m under the mistletoe right now. Maybe we could give it a test run?

 

**CHERYL**

I’d love to, but I am _stressed_. Too much to do, not enough money to do it with. Emancipation comes with a price, fair Toni.

 

TONI smiles, walks over to CHERYL and sits on her lap, and starts playing with the strap of her Santa outfit.

 

**TONI**

Maybe we could figure out a different sort of emancipation.

 

THEY start to lean in for a kiss. As their lips are about to touch, the doorbell rings. CHERYL glances towards the door.

 

**TONI**

Leave it, baby, Sweet Pea and Fangs can get the door.

 

The doorbell rings again. CHERYL sighs, and gently pushes TONI off of her.

 

**CHERYL**

Sweet Pea and Fangs are barely able to hang some lights, let alone answer the door. I swear, if that’s Veronica interrupting us, _again_...

 

SHE walks down the hall, TONI watching her leave. As if to prove her point, she passes by the boys, who are completely caught in the Christmas lights string. SWEET PEA is trying to get FANGS out, while only getting more tangled up himself.

 

CHERYL sighs, and we see her from the outside as the door swings open.

 

**CHERYL**

Welcome, ye merry gentlemen, to--

 

Reverse angle, we see three figures in the doorway: PRUDENCE, AGATHA and DORCAS. They’re dressed in all black dresses, with furry trim around the edges.

 

**CHERYL (CONT’D)**

Sorry, no carolers. The only singing around here comes from Blossom pipes.

 

CHERYL starts to close the door, but she can’t, as if something unseen is holding it open.

 

**PRUDENCE**

We were invited here. We’re friends of Toni’s.

 

**AGATHA AND DORCAS**

From Greendale.

 

The three visitors walk in the doorway, as CHERYL watches, surprised. As soon as they’re inside, the door swings shut.

  


**CUT TO: THE LIVING ROOM, LATER**

 

Christmas music is playing, and everyone is sitting around laughing, except CHERYL. She’s in a velvet chair alone, arms crossed, a pouty look on her face.

 

TONI says something that makes PRUDENCE laugh, and in a huff, CHERYL stands up and walks out of the room.

  


**CUT TO: STAIRS**

 

CHERYL is walking up the stairs, when TONI catches her by the arm.

 

**TONI**

Cher-bear, where you going?

 

**CHERYL**

I’m sorry if I don’t want to hang out with your three goth ex-girlfriends all night while they drink Daddy’s good brandy. I’m going to bed.

 

**TONI**

It’s not like that, Cheryl. I had a whole life before you. Things happened to me that… It’s hard to explain.

 

**CHERYL**

You’re supposed to be my girlfriend. You’re supposed to be my everything.

 

**TONI**

Cheryl--

 

CHERYL, bursting into tears, runs up the stairs. TONI watches her go, conflicted.

  


**CUT TO: CHERYL’S BEDROOM, NIGHT**

 

CHERYL is lying in her bed, rolling back and forth. If she is asleep, she’s not sleeping well. Slowly, her eyes flutter open… Someone is in the room. Or someones.

 

PRUDENCE, AGATHA and DORCAS are standing at end of her bed, the moonlight barely illuminating their faces.

 

**PRUDENCE, AGATHA AND DORCAS**

Cheryl Blossom, tonight you will be visited by three ghosts.

 

**CHERYL**

What the dickens are you harlots doing in here?

 

The three women begin to float in the air, and CHERYL, terrified, shuffles back into her bed.

 

**DORCAS**

The first ghost will show you your past.

 

**AGATHA**

The second, your present.

 

**PRUDENCE**

The third, your future.

 

CHERYL is holding her ears tight, and has her eyes squeezed shut.

 

**CHERYL**

This isn’t real, this isn’t real…

 

**PRUDENCE, AGATHA AND DORCAS**

Heed their warnings well, or be doomed… Forever!

 

**DORCAS**

Forever!

 

**AGATHA**

Forever!

 

CHERYL screams as loud as she can, and the it’s like the air has been sucked out of the room. She carefully opens her eyes, and sees the room is empty. Was anyone even there, or was she imagining everything?

 

**CHERYL (whispering)**

Daddy, what did you put in that brandy?

 

A giggle, a girl’s voice, comes from somewhere in the room. CHERYL hears it again, and looks to her right. She sees a lump under the blanket, and heart pounding, flips it back, revealing...

 

HEATHER, a girl of about 13. She has long, blonde hair and is dressed in a frilly, Victorian nightgown.

 

**HEATHER (flirting)**

You found me, mon cherry, what prize will you choose?

 

**CHERYL (whispering)**

It can’t be.

 

**HEATHER**

(Laughs) It isn’t, silly. Now come on, I bet if we sneak onto the stairs we can get a good look at the party without them seeing us.

 

HEATHER grabs CHERYL by the hand, and practically drags her out of the room.

  


**INT. THORNHILL - NIGHT**

 

We see the scene from the top of the stairs first, from CHERYL’s perspective. This isn’t the same party we left just a few minutes ago. As we swoop down the stairs and through the rooms, we see dozens of people, laughing and drinking eggnog. A four piece band is playing low-key versions of Christmas standards, and lights and holly are everywhere.

 

In the center of all of this are CLIFFORD and PENELOPE BLOSSOM, CHERYL’s parents, though looking significantly younger (and in CLIFF’s case, significantly more alive). They’re talking to two women, whose faces we can’t see yet.

 

**CLIFFORD**

Penelope my dearest, I wanted to introduce my new friends. We’re going to be investing in their mortuary business in Greendale.

 

Reverse angle to reveal… HILDA and ZELDA SPELLMAN, dressed in clothes that don’t quite match the tuxedos and gowns of the rest of the partygoers. Though ZELDA is very prim, HILDA is wearing a dress that might have been fashionable in the ‘30s.

 

They shake hands with PENELOPE, one after the other.

 

**PENELOPE**

Like my husband always says, people are dying to get into your field.

 

**HILDA**

(Laughs) Oh, I get it, because. The bodies.

 

THEY stand there uncomfortably for the moment.

 

**ZELDA**

Don’t mind my sister… This is quite a big place to have all to yourselves.

 

**PENELOPE**

Oh, no, we have twins, Jason and Cheryl. Jason is somewhere around here, and Cheryl is upstairs with one of her… Friends.

 

CHERYL looks at HEATHER nervously, who is sitting eagerly soaking up the action from behind the rails of the bannister.

 

**HILDA**

We have a daughter too. Well, sort of a daughter. More of a niece, actually.

 

**ZELDA (Sharply)**

Quiet, Hilda. (She smiles) Don’t mind my sister, she got hit on the head too many times as a child.

 

**HILDA**

It’s true.

 

**CLIFFORD**

Zelda, won’t you walk with me? We can grab a drink and _not_ talk business.

 

ZELDA laughs throatily, and takes CLIFFORD’s arm, leaving HILDA and PENELOPE alone. They stand there awkwardly, both

taking sips of their drinks, then after a beat turn and walk directly away from each other.

 

CHERYL looks strangely at HEATHER, who is still engrossed in the scene.

 

**CHERYL**

How are you here? How are you the _same_?

 

**HEATHER**

I’m a ghost, silly.

 

CHERYL looks like she was just slapped.

 

**CHERYL**

You died? Was it… Did my awful mother…

 

**HEATHER**

No, nothing like that. Seeing someone you knew, well… We thought this would be easier.

 

**CHERYL**

(Whispering) Am I dreaming?

 

HEATHER smiles, but doesn’t answer.

 

**HEATHER**

They look so happy down there, don’t they? Hard to think that in a few short years, your brother is dead, your father is dead, and your mother is

a lady of the night. And you’re almost broke.

 

**CHERYL**

Why are you saying all of this?

 

**HEATHER**

Perhaps you could take another look, see what you might have missed?

 

CHERYL looks down, and sees the party. CLIFFORD is laughing and drinking with ZELDA. PENELOPE is being swung around, dancing with some strange man. The whole scene starts to waver and change, becoming more nightmarish as it goes.

 

A small, red-headed boy runs across the scene in the middle of this, and looks up, directly at CHERYL. It’s YOUNG JASON.

 

**CHERYL**

Heather. Spirit! Whatever you are, take me out of here! NOW.

 

HEATHER grabs CHERYL by the hand, and runs with her back to the bedroom. As CHERYL runs through the door, she’s suddenly--

  


**CUT TO: THORNHILL**

 

Back in the living room. HEATHER is nowhere to be seen, while in front of CHERYL is the party, still raging on. SWEET PEA and FANGS are locking arms and drinking out of each other’s cups, while PRUDENCE, AGATHA and DORCAS are all slowly dancing with TONI.

 

**GHOST TONI (O.S.)**

Hey there, Cherry Bomb.

 

CHERYL spins around and sees GHOST TONI sitting on the steps. Confused, she turns around again, and sees TONI also dancing with the three girls.

 

**CHERYL**

Toni. Toni… Where’s the third one?

 

**GHOST TONI**

I barely get that reference.

 

**CHERYL**

Not that I’m complaining, but why are there two of you?

 

TONI hops down off the stairs, and walks towards CHERYL, smiling.

 

**GHOST TONI**

I’m the Ghost of Christmas Present, remember? Care to unwrap me?

 

CHERYL takes a step backwards.

 

**CHERYL**

Much as I’d love to reenact my fave holiday movie--

 

**GHOST TONI**

Edward Scissorhands?

 

GHOST TONI has wrapped her arms around CHERYL, and is leaning in for a kiss.

 

**CHERYL**

\--I still don’t quite understand what’s going on.

 

CHERYL throws TONI’s arms off of her, and TONI sighs.

 

**GHOST TONI**

I’ll show you. And don’t worry, nobody can see either of us right now.

 

TONI snaps her fingers, and suddenly they’re in the LEOPOLD AND LOEB JUVENILE DETENTION CENTER. ARCHIE ANDREWS is lying on his bed, reading a letter. He’s not wearing a shirt.

 

**GHOST TONI**

Poor Archie, thrown in the clink for a crime he didn’t commit.

 

**CHERYL**

Yes, well, we all make poor life decisions. One time I let you cook eggs for breakfast.

 

**GHOST TONI**

(Ignoring her)

Right now he’s all alone, no hope, nobody coming to save him. But is he having a terrible Christmas?

 

**CHERYL**

I’m going to guess, no?

 

**GHOST TONI**

He’s reading a letter from Monica Posh, the woman who is working on getting him out. Monica is secretly Veronica Lodge, and knowing she’s looking out for him, that’s all he needs in the world.

 

ARCHIE smiles, and slowly starts working his hand down his chest, to the lining of his shorts, and then under.

 

**GHOST TONI**

Ummm… Maybe we should head somewhere a little less R-Rated.

 

TONI snaps again, and now they’re in--

  


**INT. CERBERUS BOOKS - NIGHT**

 

TONI and CHERYL are standing next to a bookcase in a cozy looking shop. Across from them, in a diner style seat, sits AMBROSE, looking nervously around while he sips a cup of hot cocoa from a mug.

 

**CHERYL**

A bookstore? I hope we’re not going to have to study, too. This night has been trying enough.

 

**TONI**

(Putting her finger to her mouth)

Shush, Cheryl, and watch.

 

CHERYL looks annoyed, but steps back and watches the scene, listening to the gentle Christmas music playing. After a moment, the door chime dings, and KEVIN KELLER enters.

 

**KEVIN**

Are you… Ambrose?

 

AMBROSE jumps up, and gestures to the seat opposite him.

 

**AMBROSE**

Yes! Kevin, right?

 

**KEVIN**

(While sitting)

That’s me! Probably not a lot of other men cruising the Grind’Em app on Christmas Eve.

 

**AMBROSE**

Well, make that two of us. I ordered you some hot cocoa, hope you don’t mind.

 

**KEVIN**

No, I love a little chocolate myself.

 

AMBROSE smirks, and they sit in silence for a second, sipping their drinks. CHERYL is about to say something, but GHOST TONI shushes her again.

 

**AMBROSE**                    **KEVIN**

So what are you--       Why are you--

 

**KEVIN**

You go first.

 

**AMBROSE**

I think we’re asking the same thing. Yes, I did have someone to spend the holidays with. Or so I thought. But… It got complicated.

 

**KEVIN**

Yeah, same. Those men, they… Cast a spell on you, you know?

 

**AMBROSE**

(Snorts) They certainly do.

 

**KEVIN**

Where I live, there’s not a lot of people to talk to about _this_ , you know?

 

**AMBROSE**

I barely get out at all.

 

**KEVIN**

So maybe we could… Do this some more. Just this. For now.

 

**AMBROSE**

I’d like that.

 

THEY continue to drink their hot cocoa, smiling at each other.

 

**CHERYL**

If I wanted to watch “Love, Simon,” I’d rent it on home video or on demand like everyone else.

 

**GHOST TONI**

You really don’t get it, do you.

 

GHOST TONI snaps one more time, and--

  


**EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT**

 

CHERYL is standing alone in a dark cemetery. Fog rolls in everywhere, making it look more like a set than anything in real life. All around her are tombstones, barely illuminated by the light of the moon.

 

It’s cold, and GHOST TONI is nowhere to be seen. CHERYL shivers, rubbing her arms.

 

Suddenly, from behind her, a hand wraps around her shoulder. She screams, and punches behind her head…

 

...But there’s nothing there.

 

**CHERYL**

Stay back, I’m armed! Well, fabulous, at least.

 

For a moment there’s nothing except fog and graves, when suddenly a figure is revealed, standing in front of CHERYL. She screams again, but the robed figure steps back into a shaft of light. It’s…

 

**CHERYL (CONT’D)**

Oh my god, Jason? Is that you?

 

JASON stands there bathed in moonlight as CHERYL rushes towards him, giving him a big hug and kisses all over his cheeks. The whole time, he doesn’t move an inch, just silently stares into the distance.

 

**CHERYL (CONT’D)**

My sweet brother, how is this possible? How are you alive?

 

She feels his cheeks, and they’re cold. Scared, she tumbles backwards from him, and he still doesn’t move.

 

**CHERYL (CONT’D)**

(Whispering) You’re _not_ alive.

 

JASON slowly nods his head, “no.”

 

**CHERYL (CONT’D)**

What-- What are we here for?

 

JASON points towards the graves with one pale finger. Heart pounding, CHERYL turns to look.

 

She sees two gravestones next to each other, they say “CLIFFORD BLOSSOM, BELOVED FATHER” and “PENELOPE BLOSSOM, BELOVED MOTHER.”

 

JASON’s body slowly swivels to point to another grave.

 

The gravestone says, “JASON BLOSSOM, BELOVED BROTHER.”

 

He swivels once more, and points to a fresh grave. A man is standing in it, shoveling dirt out of the pit. Hesitantly, CHERYL approaches, and as she does the man pulls himself out.

 

She can see now, the man has dark hair, and is wearing a turtleneck. He’s not dressed properly for grave-digging.

 

**NICK SCRATCH**

It’s all done, ma’am, to your specifications.

 

**CHERYL**

 (Hoarsely) What is.

 

**NICK**

Why, your grave. Just like you asked for.

 

**CHERYL**

But I’m not-- I mean, I--

 

A black cat, SALEM, runs between CHERYL’s legs. She screams and trips, trying to avoid it, and falls on her back into the deep, dark pit of the grave.

 

**CHERYL**

Help! Somebody help me!

 

A new figure peeks its head over the grave, and looks inside. It’s CHERYL. That CHERYL begins shoveling dirt onto the CHERYL in the grave, as she screams in horror.

 

The dirt gets in her mouth, and she starts to choke, and the camera is completely covered in dirt. Just as every inch of light disappears, we--

  


**CUT TO: CHERYL’S BEDROOM**

 

The camera pulls out from CHERYL’s screaming mouth. She’s yelling in horror, and thrashing in the blankets. There’s a pillow on her face.

 

TONI (the real one) rushes in, and throws the pillow off of her.

 

**TONI**

It’s okay! Cheryl! You’re okay, it was just a dream.

 

**CHERYL**

Just a-- Wait, what day is it?

 

**TONI**

It’s Christmas Eve, baby, you’ve been asleep up here for, like, fifteen minutes.

 

**CHERYL**

Oh. Toni, it was so terrifying, though. And so real! You were a ghost, but you weren’t, and I had some sort of hetero wet dream about Archie Andrews…

 

CHERYL makes a gagging face, TONI looks confused.

 

**CHERYL (CONT’D)**

Never mind any of that! There’s still time!

 

SHE whips off the covers, and stands up, pointing her finger dramatically in the air.

 

               

**CHERYL (CONT’D)**

Toni! Grab a shovel, we’re going digging.

  


**CUT TO: CEMETERY - NIGHT**

 

We’re in the same cemetery from earlier, but now can see Thornhill in the distance, this is the real Blossom family plot. CHERYL is standing next to TONI, their arms around each other. They’re both sipping eggnog from expensive looking glass cups.

 

**CHERYL**

You warm enough, babe?

 

**TONI**

Getting warmer.

 

We hear some grunting, and see that SWEET PEA and FANGS are digging a hole in a grave, they’re covered in dirt.

 

**FANGS**

You think you ladies could help?

 

**CHERYL**

No! Keep digging!

 (She turns to TONI, immediately switches to a sweet tone)

 Thanks for getting those Greendale witches to leave, by the way.

 

**TONI**

(Alarmed)

Witches?

 

**CHERYL**

Let’s just say I’m not the biggest fan of words that start with “B.”

 

We hear a “chunk” sound, as SWEET PEA’s shovel hits something hard.

 

**SWEET PEA**

Think we found something.

  


**CUT TO: THORNHILL LIVING ROOM**

 

A large chest drops down on the table with a “thunk.”

 

CHERYL jams a knife into the lock, and pops it open.

 

**CHERYL**

Ladies and gentlemen, Christmas is saved.

 

**TONI**

Cher, is that--

 

CHERYL dips her hands in, and pulls out stacks of Canadian bills.

 

**CHERYL**

That’s money from the, shall we say, maple syrup trade? When I went on my vision quest, I recalled that Daddy was obsessed with money, and death. And knowing we had an empty plot in the Blossom family graveyard -- mine--

 

**TONI**

You have your own grave picked out?

 

**CHERYL**

Always best to be prepared, babe. Well anyway, it stood to reason he used the empty space to squirrel away some change. Thanks to dear Ghost Dad and Ghost Bro, Thornhill and my finances are safe for the holidays.

 

**TONI**

So the lesson you learned tonight was--

 

**CHERYL**

Money solves all your problems!

 

TONI, SWEET PEA, and FANGS look at each other, unconvinced.

 

**CHERYL (CONT’D)**

Oh, you dummies. Come here.

 

They all hug and laugh, and we fade to…

  


**FADE TO: THORNHILL, LATER THAT NIGHT**

 

TONI and CHERYL are curled up on the couch together, CHERYL lying down, arms curled around TONI, who is snuggling on top of her.

 

**TONI**

Well that was fun. You feeling less stressed?

 

**CHERYL**

I’m still a little worked up, anything you can think of to relieve the tension?

 

TONI spins around until she’s face to face on top of CHERYL, and smiles.

 

**TONI**

But Ms. Blossom, the mistletoe is all the way over by the fireplace.

 

CHERYL giggles, and pulls TONI closer. Their lips are about to touch, when they hear a bell ring. It rings again, and TONI groans in frustration.

 

**CHERYL**

Sorry, TT, but you know what they say. Every time Nana Rose’s bell rings, my baby doesn’t get to sing.

 

**TONI**

Can’t she wait?

 

**CHERYL**

Well... Maybe one more minute.

 

TONI giggles again, and their lips draw closer, and closer, and closer, and--

  


**SMASH CUT TO BLACK**

**TITLE: “THE END”**

 

...comes on screen, with festive lights draped over it. SALEM wanders by and meows.

  


**CUT BACK TO: THORNHILL LIVING ROOM, NIGHT.**

 

TONI and CHERYL are in the same positions, about to kiss, when CHERYL, in one fluid movement, flips herself over so she’s on top of TONI.

 

**CHERYL**

Oh, and to answer your question? Cheryl Blossom is _always_ tops.

 

They kiss each other, hungrily, as we fade to black for real.

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place during Riverdale Season 3 and before the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Winter Special, though I realize the timelines don't quite work.
> 
> The last line is just there for some good parallel structure, do not @ me


End file.
